No matter how much I love my job, I always have major melancholy coming back to work after time away with family. This past five days with my in-laws and husband have been wonderful, and coming back means not only the usual "back to reality" but entering the absolute madhouse that is December in New York City. Parties every five minutes, our birthdays, Christmas cards and presents, shows, until finally we board a plane in 23 days to take us to an entirely different form of madness - my sister's house!
Marc's been reminding me to take it a day at a time, though, and to take advantage of the quiet when it happens and enjoy the madness when I'm in it.
In that vein, I'm taking it easy on this blog today and sharing some of the music that provided the soundtrack to family time (and family sing-a-longs) this weekend - Marc's all time favorite singer/songwriter, Tom Waits. Here are 14 of my favorites of his, spanning from 1973 to 2009. Enjoy!
Monday, November 27, 2017
Monday, November 20, 2017
The advantage of the obstacles
I was pretty stressed out this week. Some of the reasons were obvious, but there were also days I just felt gripped with an anxiety that I couldn't explain, that came seemingly out of nowhere. In those times, it's almost always tempting to move away from meditation, yoga, writing - things that will actually help me - and toward zoning out, numbing behavior, reloading my Instagram feed 40 times, or never having a moment of quiet. The breakthrough comes - for me, at least - when you ignore the immediate desire to just space out and get numb and distracted and actually pay deep attention to the problem, to the stress, even to the anxiety that seems to have absolutely no logical reason behind it. Sometimes that involves talking really honestly about it, sometimes that involves doing some gentle yoga and going to bed early.
I did the latter on Friday night with my favorite PM practice that I know I've shared on here before, but I can't share it enough times. I've done it off and on for over nine years now (!) and it still does the trick.
It wasn't until I did this practice for the 4,000th time that it really hammered home how I ought to be putting a deeper focus and attention on my negative emotions. Jason Crandell says several different versions of this in his practice, that the obstacles - the tight hips or the really intense physical sensations - give us something to direct our breath toward and give us an opportunity to pay deep attention. In that sense, the restriction or the obstacle, he says, becomes a big asset to the practice.
It's the same in life. If we don't struggle, we don't grow. If we don't fail, we don't learn. If everything is easy all the time, life gets incredibly boring and void of any sense of satisfaction of achievement.
So, in this most joyful and most stressful time of the year, make sure you're taking time to get quiet and reflective and restorative. And do this class before bed.
I did the latter on Friday night with my favorite PM practice that I know I've shared on here before, but I can't share it enough times. I've done it off and on for over nine years now (!) and it still does the trick.
It wasn't until I did this practice for the 4,000th time that it really hammered home how I ought to be putting a deeper focus and attention on my negative emotions. Jason Crandell says several different versions of this in his practice, that the obstacles - the tight hips or the really intense physical sensations - give us something to direct our breath toward and give us an opportunity to pay deep attention. In that sense, the restriction or the obstacle, he says, becomes a big asset to the practice.
It's the same in life. If we don't struggle, we don't grow. If we don't fail, we don't learn. If everything is easy all the time, life gets incredibly boring and void of any sense of satisfaction of achievement.
So, in this most joyful and most stressful time of the year, make sure you're taking time to get quiet and reflective and restorative. And do this class before bed.
Monday, November 13, 2017
Grateful.
It's been eight years today since I've been with the love of my life.
A few months from five years married (Costa Rica, here we come).
Eight years and a couple months since living in the city.
Seven years of Friendsgivings in NYC with my chosen family.
Seven years of Karma Kids Yoga - more chosen family and buckets of kids.
Ten years since college; fourteen of the friendships.
One picked-clean, no leftovers turkey last night. A table of desserts.
And in ten days we do it again with family.
This morning I'm tired, still full, and grateful.
A few months from five years married (Costa Rica, here we come).
Eight years and a couple months since living in the city.
Seven years of Friendsgivings in NYC with my chosen family.
Seven years of Karma Kids Yoga - more chosen family and buckets of kids.
Ten years since college; fourteen of the friendships.
One picked-clean, no leftovers turkey last night. A table of desserts.
And in ten days we do it again with family.
This morning I'm tired, still full, and grateful.
 |
| December 15th, 2009. |
Monday, November 6, 2017
Faith in Humanity
The oft-quoted Kathrine Switzer, long distance female trailblazer, once wrote, "If you are losing faith in human nature, go out and watch a marathon."
Marathon Sunday is always one of my favorite days of the year in New York City. I've spent these Sunday's over the last eight years that I've been here as a spectator and cheerleader, both in person and on the couch in my boot nursing my injury last year, I've been a volunteer, I went down with other marathoners and marathon volunteers to Staten Island after Sandy in 2012 after the race was canceled - and I've spent the last two years fighting to qualify for it.
Next year will be my year, along with my 'sole sister' (I'm making it happen) and work wife Laura, so this year was another year spent being absolutely inspired beyond measure cheering on the sidelines. Seeing the heart, the raw emotion, the joy, the pain, the absolute love from the sidelines and from the runners is awe inspiring. Yesterday was dreary with relentless drizzle, but the city's heart was still out in full force for the runners.
The worst of humanity, unfortunately, occurred yesterday as well, although I confess I didn't read about it until this morning. A domestic abuser who somehow had access to a gun because - America - murdered 26 people for doing nothing more than coming together to worship in their church on a Sunday in a small Texas town. With victims ranging from 5 to 72 years old, the loss of the pastor's 14-year-old daughter, and the complete senseless agony of it...it's pretty damn hard to keep your head up and your heart open.
One of the reasons the marathon is so emotionally intense is because so many of those running are running for causes or for people rooted in deep suffering and pain - running is a form of catharsis, a means of fundraising to fight disease and help the disenfranchised, and a way to honor loved ones who can't run for whatever reason. My incredible friend Lu blew past her fundraising goal for Fred's Team, which raises money for Memorial Sloan Kettering, the hospital that helped save her life. A family we encountered yesterday were cheering on family who were running for the NYPD and in honor of a family member who had died this year. I can't even type that sentence without crying at the memory of them holding their marathoner as he came to the sidelines to embrace them and all of them weeping together. Then he rolled out his quads with The Stick (see pic above), grabbed a Twizzler, and went off to conquer that Queensboro Bridge and the rest of the course. The raw emotion and strength is unbelievable.
We're also coming up on a year since the nastiest, most devastating, most divisive, and unfortunately the most consequential election in our nation's history. It's been a year of civil rights being decimated, casual, cruel, and constant racism & sexism, lies, and incompetence. It's been a year of echo chambers, of not listening to each other, of a lack of civility (to say the least) in our discourse.
It's been a hard and violent year.
But there is also still so much goodness - in this city, resilient as ever after last week's deadly terrorist attack in lower Manhattan, in this country, in this world. Sometimes you just have to go out and seek it directly and soak in every last moment of it before retreating back to what sometimes seems like the relentless drudgery of the every day. So - go out and seek it. Cheer for runners in a race, big or small. Play dress up with children (Karma Kids Yoga's special events are another great way to rekindle your joy). Practice gratitude.
That's my intention for this month - the month leading to my favorite holiday. Practice gratitude, every day, as many times a day as humanly possible. Practice gratitude for the obvious, for the mundane, for things that don't feel at all like things for which to be grateful. Be grateful anyway, and see what happens. It's one of the best ways I can think of to cultivate joy and resilience in this truly crazy - in the best and worst sense of the word - world.
 |
| New Yorkers, doing what we do |
 |
| Malcom, Laura's corgi, displaying her arsenal of runner support |
Next year will be my year, along with my 'sole sister' (I'm making it happen) and work wife Laura, so this year was another year spent being absolutely inspired beyond measure cheering on the sidelines. Seeing the heart, the raw emotion, the joy, the pain, the absolute love from the sidelines and from the runners is awe inspiring. Yesterday was dreary with relentless drizzle, but the city's heart was still out in full force for the runners.
The worst of humanity, unfortunately, occurred yesterday as well, although I confess I didn't read about it until this morning. A domestic abuser who somehow had access to a gun because - America - murdered 26 people for doing nothing more than coming together to worship in their church on a Sunday in a small Texas town. With victims ranging from 5 to 72 years old, the loss of the pastor's 14-year-old daughter, and the complete senseless agony of it...it's pretty damn hard to keep your head up and your heart open.
One of the reasons the marathon is so emotionally intense is because so many of those running are running for causes or for people rooted in deep suffering and pain - running is a form of catharsis, a means of fundraising to fight disease and help the disenfranchised, and a way to honor loved ones who can't run for whatever reason. My incredible friend Lu blew past her fundraising goal for Fred's Team, which raises money for Memorial Sloan Kettering, the hospital that helped save her life. A family we encountered yesterday were cheering on family who were running for the NYPD and in honor of a family member who had died this year. I can't even type that sentence without crying at the memory of them holding their marathoner as he came to the sidelines to embrace them and all of them weeping together. Then he rolled out his quads with The Stick (see pic above), grabbed a Twizzler, and went off to conquer that Queensboro Bridge and the rest of the course. The raw emotion and strength is unbelievable.
We're also coming up on a year since the nastiest, most devastating, most divisive, and unfortunately the most consequential election in our nation's history. It's been a year of civil rights being decimated, casual, cruel, and constant racism & sexism, lies, and incompetence. It's been a year of echo chambers, of not listening to each other, of a lack of civility (to say the least) in our discourse.
It's been a hard and violent year.
 |
| Shalane Flanagan, the first American woman to win NYC since 1977, making me weep |
That's my intention for this month - the month leading to my favorite holiday. Practice gratitude, every day, as many times a day as humanly possible. Practice gratitude for the obvious, for the mundane, for things that don't feel at all like things for which to be grateful. Be grateful anyway, and see what happens. It's one of the best ways I can think of to cultivate joy and resilience in this truly crazy - in the best and worst sense of the word - world.
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| "Don't Give Up...Don't EVER Give Up" Photo by the amazing Michael Pauley |
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