Thursday, February 28, 2013

Meditative March

My personal mini-resolution for myself for this past month was to be a better partner.  To get a jump start on being a great wife, on the honeymoon phase, and probably most importantly, to keep my tendency to get defensive and a wee bit controlling in check.  I had high points and low points, but overall I kept my resolution in mind and was able to stay mindful, even when I wasn't being successful.  (At least I knew it when I failed!)

It's glaringly obvious what my body, mind, stress level, and soul desperately need from me this month, and in particular these next 22 days - more yoga!  I wrote essentially the same thing last week, but I've been thinking a lot about it and can't seem to shake it from my mind...hence, here it appears on the blog!

The deeper I've gotten into my career as a teacher, the harder it seems to be for me to let myself focus and really drop in to my meditation, to really focus my mind in a class, and to truly listen to my body instead of forcing it to conform to how I think it should be able to perform on a given day. Yoga used to be my savior - now it's my every day routine.

Just as it can be easy to take a friend, partner, or family member for granted, I am so very guilty of taking yoga for granted and forgetting what it really means to me and why I turned the entire direction of my life around for it.  How it inspired me, emboldened me, changed the way I thought about myself and the world around me.  As the years have passed, although I've definitely opened and grown in many ways, I've also allowed new walls to come up and it takes a hell of a lot more work to stop composing emails and grocery lists in my head when I first sit down to practice.  I'll draw attention to my breath...and immediately manipulate it instead of letting it be.  I'll bring my hands together in front of my heart...and immediately remember something I have to pick up on the way home.

Although I think a part of this has happened because yoga has become so everyday, the opposite is also true.  Yes, I teach and talk yoga constantly, but I don't practice nearly as often or seriously as I used to.  Part of it is just the nature of the beast.  When you teach a lot, you're likely teaching when other yoga classes you might take are going on.  Similar to when an actor gets cast in a show, they suddenly have much fewer opportunities to see other theatre.

So this month, whether it's taking the time to get myself to The Giving Tree for a full, glorious 90 minute practice or devoting myself to a 15 minute YogaJournal video, or even - gasp - a completely solo practice, I want to bring more yoga to my daily life.  My overly busy mind needs it desperately, and I must obey!

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