Thursday, January 10, 2013

Rush

One thing I can't stand and avoid at all costs is feeling rushed.  I'm a planner, and I live to anticipate, coordinate, set deadlines, and be early.  When you're rushed, the layer of anxiety you feel can completely affect, and even ruin, whatever it is that you're going - whether it's commuting to work or squeezing in time with a friend.

The interesting thing is, though, I've discovered that out of my total fear and loathing of being rushed and overwhelm, I've started to rush and overwhelm myself.

When you get engaged, the world does a great job of convincing you that you're going to be a nervous, stressed-out, insane wreck in the weeks before you're wedding (if not for the entire period of the engagement!).  I certainly accept that it will be a crazy, stressful, and yes, likely rushed period of time, but I totally reject the notion that I can't be as on top of things and in order as humanly possible.

I've kept up with all 800 zillion bridal magazines and websites out there that all have a timeline of when to do what.  Some are fairly short and broad, and some are insanely detailed down to the T of things that will have to get done.  Even my amazing venue, which churns out over 500 (maybe over 600?  Is that possible?) weddings a year, has sent me a ginormous planning book with worksheets for every tiny little thing so that everything is in order.  The goal of all of these being, of course, that out of all the tedious planning I am gifted a smooth, orderly day where everything and everyone is magically, perfectly in place.

If all of that happens, awesome.  But right now, the arbitrary and totally made-up deadlines that I'm giving myself out of fear of being overwhelmed later are causing me to rush through things that I'm only going to get to do once in a lifetime!  Whether it be scheduling an appointment for wedding rings at a particular time because, dammit, it just had to be done in December or else, or rushing to send out the invitations the second they hit my hot little hands instead of taking my time with them, I recognize that this is something I tend to do in my life outside of wedding planning.

Where does this come from?  Fear.  Fear of...being late, being wrong, being overwhelmed, not getting it done, whatever it is.  It's important to step back and take a look at the big picture and the actual timeline of your life.  To me, this is a classic example of how we can get bogged down in the million things to do we have in our daily lives, and the almost religious way so many of us these days cling to our identity as being "crazy busy."  Are we really?  Lord knows I feel that way and so many other people with way more stressful jobs and lives than I do (not to mention kids) feel that way too.

How can we reduce that fear?  How can we create more space, more patience, more trust?

I'm not quite sure yet.  I'm certain yoga has a lot of help to offer, though.  In class, you take your time.  You breathe and you move, you breathe and you move, you breathe and you move.  And then you stop.  You do nothing.  And you go back in the world to discover that it kept moving along just fine without you, and your life is still right where you left it - only you have a little more flexibility.

We can access that little mini escape anytime if only we can identify when we need it and choose to take a breath and take a moment to reassess the urgency with which we're going through our day.  Be a little more flexible with your idea of what has to be.

I very much hope some of you out there can relate to this feeling, because I kind of feel like I'm just talking to my own neurotic self here.  Maybe I can just blame New York.  The point, essentially, is to stop, smell the roses, roll with the punches, and slow down.

2 comments:

  1. Having planned both my U.S. and Australian ceremonies, I can completely relate. With both, I got bogged down with the smallest details. To be honest, everything I wanted did not get done and things certainly went wrong. But, in hindsight, any regrets I have stem only from my own poor behavior caused by being too stressed out. And, what I remember is looking in my husband's eyes and really thinking about how much I meant the words and sharing the ritual with loved ones. People still tell us how much they loved our unique ceremonies, and the things that went wrong are something that we laugh about. Keep practicing that yoga breathing and lead with your heart (and put those magazines away!).

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  2. Thank you SO so so so so much Cristin! I can't tell you how lovely this comment is...I've reread it several times :) I've heard this same advice from others before but I just need to keep reading it I think. Thank you!

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